No Apologies® - the truth about life, love + sex

Malaysia30 Mar 2018

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Love, Sex And Your Teen

“I can’t understand all the rules imposed for sex,” says a 17-year old.“Where does it say that it’s off-limits for singles? And what if I don’t ever want to get married? Does this mean I’ll have to remain celibate?”

A 16-year old adds, “I’ve seen so many marriages fall apart. I don’t want that kind of pain.”

When it comes to matters of the heard, too many teens are compromising values and caving in to popular culture.They mistrust the institution of marriage, are confused about sex and relationships, have loose dating morals and rely on emotions instead of moral guidelines.

Immersing their hearts in truth and standards for love, sex and marriage are some of the important steps teens will ever take.Does your child’s view of relationships come from moral values or from the world?

Here are three critical messages parent must communicate:

“Respect the opposite sex”

During the teen years, your children are learning how to relate to the opposite sex, and they’re defining what qualities are important in a future spouse.Most likely, they’ll someday put it all together and find a person whom they’ll love as their marriage partner.An important key to unlocking this dream is found in mutual respect.Now is the time for them to practice how to respect others – and be respected.

“View matrimony as a sacred lifetime promise made between men and women”

Model this through you own marriage.Teach your teen that the marriage covenant cannot be viewed as simply a legal arrangement – one that can be amended (or ended) at a later date.

Explain that, too often “as long as we both shall live” is replaced with “as long as we both shall love”. Yet viewing marriage as a mere contractual agreement results in misery for everyone involved – friends, family and especially children.

“Know the secret to lifelong love”

The word love can be referred to action – something we do rather than something we feel.Love has also been defined as selfless giving to others or as demonstrating kindness, patience, humility and commitment in relationships.

Help your teen understand that the kind of love shared with a marriage partner goes beyond emotions.This love involves commitment. It means putting the needs of another above your own:“It’s not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth”.

Promise “Rings”

By Christy Kaye

After giving our 12-year-old “the talk”, we asked Dan to promise not to have sex before marriage. Dan was ready to commit – until we mentioned the ring.He’d do the abstinence thing, but the ring?No way!

We talked about the symbolism and how it would remind him of his promise.Dan explained that a ring wouldn’t remind him because it wouldn’t be with him – anywhere, anytime.After negotiating, we settled on an expensive watch that broke the first year because he did wear it everywhere.

When our second son was 12, we asked him to remove his earphones for “the talk” and promise.

Like his brother, Tim was OK with abstinence but also said, “I’ll never wear a ring.”

Prepared, we responded, “How about a watch?”

“I’ll forget to wear it.”

We had to think quickly.“How much have you saved for your iPod?”

“Enough for a small one,” he said.

“We’ll give you money to upgrade to the next model, if you use it as your reminder”.

“Ok. That would remind me.” I knew it would.His iPod would be with him every waking moment.

Last week, Dan, now 16, came home with another watch, paid for with his own money.“This will definitely remind me of my promise.”He got the point, and so did I.

The symbol didn’t matter as long as the commitment was there.Now we’re ready to ask our third child to promise to refrain from sex until marriage. I wonder what will help remind Jake of his abstinence promise – a watch, an iPod or maybe even… a ring.

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