Q&A: Accepting a “friend” request from an ex

Question:

Should I accept a “friend” request from an old boyfriend? I’m in love with and committed to my husband, so I feel sure that this won’t pose a threat to our marriage. What do you think?

Answer: The first thing you should do is ask your husband what he thinks. It’s important to be open and honest, and keeping secrets only undermines trust. If your marriage is strong and healthy, then it’s worth protecting. You need to be careful about exposing your relationship to threats of any kind, no matter how remote they may seem.

Since your former boyfriend initiated the contact, it would probably be a good idea to ask yourself some questions about his motives. If you have any reason to suspect that his intentions are not entirely appropriate or honourable, ignore the request and move on.

If you’re still feeling inclined to re-connect with this guy, you may need to consider your motives. Are you feeling compelled to revisit the past because of present discontentment? Have you been thinking about the way things “might have been” had this relationship turned out differently? This may not be the case, but it deserves some thought.

Ultimately, it’s a decision that you must make together with your husband. If you choose to go ahead and accept your “old flame’s” invitation to re-connect, do so via a Facebook account that intentionally reflects the healthy nature of your marriage. Among other things, your page should be filled with images designed to remind visitors of your relationship with your husband. As far as possible, photos should frequently show the two of you together. The whole point is to represent yourselves as a unit. This will discourage your old boyfriend from making any unwarranted assumptions.

© 2018 Focus on the Family.  All rights reserved.  Used by permission.

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