Q&A: Attracted to spouse’s best friend

Q: Should I tell my husband that I’m attracted to his closest buddy? I’ve heard that kind of information should be shared between spouses for purposes of accountability, but I’m not sure that’d be wise. Neither man has any clue of my struggle and I don’t want to jeopardise their relationship.

A: Accountability is one thing, but it’s something else to burden your spouse with every wayward thought and questionable impulse that passes through your mind. Each of us has to deal with our share of “internal garbage.” That doesn’t mean that we need to dump it on the people around us.

Being honest with your spouse – in the sense of telling the truth – isn’t the same thing as revealing every feeling you’ve ever had. Yes, couples should be frank and open with each other.  But in the name of openness and accountability, some people give their spouses too much information about past and present actions and thoughts. Detail and timing are always crucial considerations. Silence isn’t necessarily dishonest – in fact, sometimes the loving thing to do is to keep your mouth shut.

This is particularly true in a case like yours. If your inappropriate emotions ever do find expression in inappropriate words and actions – and we hope this never happens – that will be the time for accountability, remorse, and confession. Until then, you’re better off keeping this matter to yourself.

Meanwhile, say and do only what you believe to be in the best interests of your husband, his friend, and your marriage.

© 2018 Focus on the Family.  All rights reserved.  Used by permission.

Share

Share on facebook
Share on whatsapp
Share on email

MORE

MARRIAGE

Family Financial Fitness

The New Year is here! You know what that means. Time to face your financial woes and set new financial goals. Fret not! Here are 6 easy steps to help you be intentional and proactive in developing a workable budget plan.

Read More >

PARENTING

Loving Your Wayward Child

Loving a wayward child can be tough, especially when they keep disappointing us. This can be a time of stress, anxiety, and heartbreak. What should a parent do when a child goes astray?

Read More >

Disciplining Children

Parenthood can be frustrating, especially when you don’t have a game plan. Explore how you can effectively raise disciplined children with 6 guidelines to discipline and a healthy parenting approach.

Read More >

FAMILY Q&A