Q&A: Avoiding parenting responsibilities

Q: How can I get my husband to help more with the children? He enjoys the “fun” part of raising children – like “wrestling” with our toddler.  But when it comes to the practical side of parenting, I don’t think he’s pulling his weight.

A: Communication is usually the key here. Many couples never talk to each other about their parenting expectations, or the fears and struggles they’re facing as parents.  In most cases, both of them are doing the best they can, but are feeling insecure.  The first step is to air these feelings in an honest, safe and non-threatening way.      

Gender roles and distinctions can also be a factor. Mothers tend to have an immediate connection with a new baby, while fathers sometimes feel uncomfortable and “out of their element.” When Dad tries to lend a hand, Mum may be inclined to correct everything he’s doing.  This leads to greater irritation on both sides, and the husband may shrink from trying to help.

Again, the solution is to discuss your feelings and expectations.  If you’re home full-time with the children while your husband is out in the workplace, talk about what practical aspects of this arrangement should look like.  If you both work outside the home, it’s even more important that you clearly understand what the other is thinking.  

Whatever your situation, it’s important that you learn how to function as a team.  This is another area in which husbands and wives need to be patient with one another and give each other the benefit of the doubt.

If you’re struggling in your roles, you can contact our Family Support Services at 03-7954 7920 or write to support@family.org.my and our staff would be happy to listen and help.

© 2018 Focus on the Family.  All rights reserved.  Used by permission.  


Share on facebook
Share on whatsapp
Share on email



Real Life Solutions

The first step to connecting well sexually is to do so verbally. Discuss 7 essential questions that will help you and your spouse satisfy your differing needs for intimacy in your marriage.

Read More >



40 Questions to Ask Your Children at the Dinner Table

Having conversations with our children is critical for building a solid foundation of trust, demonstrating steadfast love, and teaching them how to grow as a young person. These 40 questions to ask your children are a great starting point for conversations around the dining table.

Read More >

10 Steps for Better Sleep For Your Family

Good sleep is essential to maintaining physical, emotional, spiritual and social health. However, many people are seriously sleep deprived. Dr. Meg Meeker discusses the benefits of getting good sleep and some of the potential problems parents and kids may experience if they don’t get enough rest at night.

Read More >