Q&A: Balancing between being a spouse and a parent


My husband and I recently learned that we’re expecting. We’re thrilled, but I’m also afraid that the demands of a baby will cause us to neglect each other and our relationship. Do you have any advice for us?

Answer: First of all, congratulations! That is very exciting.

No one is perfectly prepared for having children. The key is to learn how to balance being a parent and a spouse, and specifically, learning each other’s love language. Our love language is those things that our mate does which make us feel loved or cared for. Not everyone’s language is the same, and that may be true for you and your husband.

One simple way to discover your mate’s love language is by asking what they need to feel loved. We use the phrase: “I feel loved when you . . . ” Make your love language specific and measurable. Instead of saying “I want intimacy,” say, “I need you to say you love me at least once a day,” “Let’s make love twice a week,” or “I need you to ask me about my day.” It’s also critical that you follow up. On a regular basis, ask each other: “On a scale from zero to ten, how have I done this week in making you feel loved according to your unique needs?”

As you look forward to growing your family, remember that the best way to love your child is to love your spouse. By discovering your mate’s love language, you’ll be better equipped to meet the exciting challenges awaiting you.

© 2018 Focus on the Family.  All rights reserved.  Used by permission.