Q&A: Dating but girlfriend wants to social date

Q: I’ve been dating a woman for over 2 years. I love her and want a serious relationship. She says she loves me too, but that she wants the freedom to see other guys. At times I’m so frustrated that I just want to move on. What should I do?

A: We can appreciate your struggle. While the emotions you’re wrestling with don’t make it easy, your decision really hinges on what you ultimately want. If you’re at a place where you desire and are eager to be married, you may need to start looking elsewhere. Contrary to prevailing romantic thought and what you’re probably feeling, there’s no such thing as “the one” when it comes to a life mate. If, on the other hand, you’re sold on this girl and are willing to be patient, you can see if her heart eventually turns.

Either way, you might consider adjusting your current pattern of interacting with her. Any message on your part that suggests you’re just hanging around waiting for her to see the light is counterproductive. A man who projects a humble sense of confidence, self-respect, and independence is attractive and interesting to a lady, whereas a guy who acts like his life is meaningless without her is a major turn-off. 

So what does this mean for you? For starters, pursue activities that grow your mind and character, such as reading books and serving others. Look for other quality women whose company you enjoy and spend time with them. What develops may surprise you. You’d also be well-served to not be so available to the current object of your affection. There’s a real chance that sub-consciously she’s taken your fondness for granted, and a noticeable shift in your behaviour just may cause her to come your way.     

© 2018 Focus on the Family.  All rights reserved.  Used by permission.       

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