Q&A: Discussing problems on dates

Question:

Sometimes my wife and I talk about sensitive issues while out on a date. We seem to be so busy that the only time we can discuss our problems or concerns is when we’re alone. Is this a good idea?

Answer: First of all, we want to commend you and your wife for going out on dates in the first place! For many married couples, dating falls by the wayside once children, careers, and other responsibilities enter the picture. Their relationships can suffer as a result.

For this reason, we’d encourage you to do whatever it takes to protect your dates from conflict and overly “serious” discussion. Conflict can be destructive to your recreation because it intensifies emotions. As this happens, it becomes difficult to relax and enjoy each other. The conflict becomes like a red shirt in a load of white laundry—it tends to colour the entire experience. If this pattern occurs too often, your mate may lose the desire to do fun things because your dates end up turning “pink.”

This isn’t about avoidance, of course. You do need to set aside time to discuss the serious issues, just don’t call it a “Date Night.” It might require staying up a little later after the kids are in bed, or even getting up early once in a while. Schedule the conversation when you can provide the necessary attention it deserves.

© 2018 Focus on the Family.  All rights reserved.  Used by permission.

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