Q&A: Finding the spark in our marriage

Q: My spouse and I have only been married a couple of years, and already I sense that the original “shimmer” of our romance is beginning to fade. Is something wrong with us? Are we “falling out of love”? 

A: Maintaining the emotional excitement of romance can be difficult once the day-to-day reality of married life sets in. The good news is that you can still have a healthy, vibrant marriage even when routine “stuff” begins to take over. 

How does it work? Simple. You just have to lay hold of the fundamental “anchor points” of daily existence and turn them into meaningful relational moments. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Waking Up. Instead of saying “Good morning,” try turning to your spouse first thing and whispering something like, “I love you and I’m glad to be waking with you by my side.” 
  • Leaving the house. When it’s time to go, kiss your spouse goodbye – and kiss like you really mean it! 
  • Checking in. How do you stay in touch during the day? A judicious use of social media can go a long way toward maintaining and strengthening the ties that bind.
  • Coming home. When you come back together at the end of the day, try kissing and hugging and saying, “How was your day?” You’ll be surprised what a difference it makes.
  • Mealtimes. Mealtimes are ideal times for reconnecting and celebrating your shared identity as a couple.
  • Bedtime. The end of the day, like the beginning, is a universal “anchor point.” It’s a time when you can “clean the slate” and express gratitude and appreciation with a goodnight kiss. 

Obviously, this isn’t rocket science. Neither is it about “doing more” or “doing things right.” It’s purely a matter of blooming where you’re planted.

This article was written by Focus on the Family Malaysia and the Questions and Answers are extracted from “Complete Family and Marriage Home Reference Guide” with permission.

Learning to stay focused on real love through the challenges life brings to a married couple is a commitment. Take our free Focus on Marriage Assessment to understand your relationship’s strength and growth areas to build in the different seasons of your marriage.


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