Q&A: Getting along with your husband’s friends

Question:

I just recently got married, and now I’m finding that I don’t get along with my husband’s friends. In fact, I’m not sure I even like them at all. What can I do?

Answer: When a person marries, they don’t just gain a spouse, they inherit that person’s entire social network of friends. And that can sometimes create a challenging (or even awkward) situation.

The question to ask is: Why do you not like your husband’s friends? Is it a case of “the guys” acting irresponsibly or doing things you can’t condone? Worse yet, does your husband sometimes get pulled into that behaviour as well? If so, then you have a legitimate concern, and your husband should take responsibility for bringing resolution to that disagreement. It may require him to make some tough decisions about whether those friendships are really worth maintaining. Of course, this is the kind of issue that can easily erupt into conflict between a couple. So if you find that happening, be sure to speak to a counsellor.

On the other hand, what if you simply have different tastes and interests than your husband’s friends? In that case, it’s up to you to do the hard work of getting to know them and finding some common ground on which to build a relationship. That may be a real struggle at first. But if you think of it as a way to strengthen your relationship with your husband, you’ll find it easier to be patient with his friends. And if they’re married themselves, definitely try to build friendships with their wives. Who knows? Maybe you’ll even learn to enjoy and embrace them all one day.

© 2018 Focus on the Family.  All rights reserved.  Used by permission.

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