Question:
What can I do to help my spouse overcome his pornography addiction? He knows it’s killing our marriage and has tried to stop, but it seems to be a losing battle.
Answer: Sadly, sexual addictions of all kinds have become widespread in contemporary society. It affects men and women from all walks of life. Because it is rooted in the basic human craving for relationships, sexual addiction is tenacious and progressive in nature. Porn is powerful because it offers a counterfeit form of intimacy and attachment.
It’s important to keep this in mind and to understand that your role is not to keep him accountable. You can love him and ask what he needs from you, but you cannot control his behaviour. Instead, it’s critical that you begin to do what you can to care for your own heart and find help for how his addiction has hurt and impacted you.
The good news is that effective help is available. We suggest that you begin by seeking counselling, and we highly recommend that you do this together. Also, the key to recovery is identifying a trusted friend or group of people who will provide an environment of support and accountability.
Our Family Support Services can provide you with referrals. Call them at 03-3310 0792 or write to support@family.org.my.
In the meantime, you and your husband might consider installing some accountability software on your computer. Software programs of this kind aren’t the ultimate answer to the serious and complex problems like those your spouse is facing, but they can play an important role in helping you keep tabs on the entire family’s online activities.
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