Q: My husband left me six months ago. He said he just can’t be married any longer. I have tried many times to reconcile with him, but he is unwilling to go to counselling or to even try to work on the marriage. I don’t want to get a divorce. I am willing to try anything to rebuild our marriage. Do you know of any programs or resources that would help us?
A: We’re very sorry to learn of the difficult state of your marriage. There are programs that can help, such as intensive couples’ counselling, but your husband needs to be willing to attend. Until he’s open to doing so, and until he desires to work on the marriage, your options are limited. If you’ve been continuously urging him to attend counselling for the past six months or more, it’s time to give him some space. Just a little bit of breathing room may help him make the decision for himself. You can’t make it for him.
In the meantime, consider working on your own heart. I don’t know the details of your separation, but in general, when a separation or divorce occurs it’s easy to focus on the other person’s issues rather than confronting our own.
In other words, your husband’s refusal to take part in counselling shouldn’t prevent you from pursuing counselling on your own. You might consider seeking out a support group that could help you grapple with this difficult period in your marriage. Talking one-on-one with a counsellor may also be helpful to you as you hope for the day when your husband decides to work on the marriage. Please do not hesitate to call our Family Support Services at 03-7954 7920 or write to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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