Q&A: Recapture the spark in our marriage


My husband and I have been married nearly 20 years, and frankly, the relationship has become somewhat stale and even boring. It seems like we’re basically just going through the motions. We don’t want a long checklist, but do you have one suggestion for something we can do to help?

Answer: Someone once asked author Ted Cunningham: “What’s the best advice you ever got on marriage?” His reply was short and to the point: “That’s easy – lighten up and laugh!”

Why do you suppose Ted’s thoughts jumped immediately to the importance of humour and light-heartedness? It’s because life in this world can be a grind. Our daily routines are rarely easy and, at times, they’re even marked by tragedy. All of us need opportunities to stop for rest and refreshment along the way. Retreats and oases are absolutely indispensable to life’s journey. And we firmly believe that marriage ought to be one of them.

Now, we know what you’re probably thinking at this point: “My marriage? An oasis?” But this is precisely what it can be – if you take the time to grease the skids with healthy doses of laughter. A couple’s role is not to squash all the good moments, but to share them with each other. Remember – the two of you married because, once upon a time, you actually looked forward to being together!

So if you feel like you’ve lost that spark, make an effort to recapture it. Fan the flames again. If you can do that – if you can lighten up, laugh, and enjoy the journey together – you’re halfway toward achieving genuine marital success. And, in the process, we predict you’ll eliminate much of the monotony and boredom that have characterised your “daily grind” in the first place.

© 2018 Focus on the Family.  All rights reserved.  Used by permission.


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