Q&A: Unemployed adult child moving in with us

Question:

My son just lost his job. While they get back on their feet, he and his family will be moving in with us starting next month. We’re excited to have them around for a while – but also a bit apprehensive. How can we maintain good relationships during this time?

Answer: We’re sorry to hear about your son’s situation; we know that can be hard on everybody. The biggest area for potential problems centres on unclear expectations by both parties – you and your spouse on one hand, and your son and his wife on the other. So you should try to be as clear as possible going into the situation.

First, you and your spouse need to be unified and agree on any “house rules” prior to having your guests move in. Decide if there will be a tentative timeframe for the arrangement, and how to handle cleaning, chores, buying food, cooking, babysitting, etc. You also need to be sensitive to the fact that as parents, your son and his wife have the right to make decisions regarding their children (your grandchildren). You must respect their parental authority and support it, even if they don’t do things the way you would.

Then, sit down with your son and daughter-in-law in a relaxed setting to talk about these issues. Discuss their expectations. Discuss your expectations. Come to a consensus on the house rules, especially involving your grandchildren, and how to handle disagreements or broken rules. Finally, and for the benefit of all concerned, put something into writing – a sort of mini-contract that defines all of these parameters.

Tags: family-qa, marriage, parenting, spouse
Family Q&A

MARRIAGE

Q&A: Promoting a lifestyle of selflessness

Question: In one of the Family Q&A, you discussed practicing self-denial with our children and offered ways to guard them from developing narcissistic tendencies. It

Q&A: Lending money to family

Question: Do you think it’s wise to have loans among family members — for example, brother to brother, adult to child, parent to child, etc.?

Karen’s Mum & Me Connection Sharing

Hear a practical sharing from a mum on how to A.C.E your relationship with your child. This sharing includes conversation starter questions called ‘Face to Face.’ During this time, we encourage you, Mums, to discuss these questions with your child.

PARENTING

Character More Important Than Grades

A month into our marriage, I got pregnant! It was unplanned and we had no idea how to be parents. Nevertheless, we were overjoyed and Tristan was born on Easter Sunday in 2006. Raising a baby was challenging indeed and we wished we had a parenting manual to help us.