Question:

My wife and I have been married a little over two years, and we’re really struggling with balancing our differences. We want to work as a team, but I think we’re each afraid of losing our own identity in the process. How can we reach a happy medium?

Answer: There’s no doubt about it, marriage is a paradox. Consider this: For a relationship to be successful, couples have to limit their independence. But at the same time, they have to thrive as individuals. 

A good marriage takes the active involvement of two people – the husband and the wife. On your own, you may have all the talent you need to be a roaring success in your career. But, in marriage, unless you work together with your spouse, your relationship is going to flounder. When two people each let go of some of their personal ambitions for the sake of the relationship, the bond between them will strengthen.

But that’s just one side of the coin. The other is that the more connected you and your spouse become, the more important it is that you grow as individuals. Why? Because a healthy marriage consists of two unique people who can stand on their own. Entering marriage doesn’t mean you suddenly stop being who you are. It’s just the opposite. You bring yourself into your marriage, so it’s important to become the best “you” you can be. As a matter of fact, it’s those differences that help make a good marriage truly great.

So, should your marriage bring you and your spouse together as one? Or should the two of you be strong individuals? The answer is “yes”! That’s the paradox of marriage.

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