By Janine Petry
Showing disrespect has become a modern marriage pastime. We laugh as our favourite on-screen wives make fools out of their husbands. Watch out or you’ll be in danger of picking up that unhealthy habit.
I don’t have a problem with respect — it’s showing respect to my husband that I can’t quite get the hang of.
Showing disrespect has become a modern marriage pastime. We laugh as our favourite on-screen wives make fools out of their husbands, and before long we’re talking like these leading ladies.
Casual disrespect
Here are some ways we show disrespect:
Witty one-liners are clever ways to get the last word. Example: “You can tell me how hard work is after you birth three children.”
Sarcasm uses mocking words to strike at him personally. Example: “That’s your best idea yet; got any more?”
Misplaced laughter ridicules him, whether or not he’s around. Example: “He actually thinks those look good together.”
Demeaning reminders imply a lack of trust. Example: “So are we actually going to see you on time today?”
I’ve come to understand that the phrase “Women need love and men need respect” is more than just a slogan. So I try to use encouraging words to show my husband respect. The opportunities are endless, and my words have the potential to empower my husband to be more of the man God wants him to be. When I’m sincere and he accepts my words, our marriage is strengthened.
Here’s how I’ve been making the transition from casual disrespect to intentional respect: I try to change my heart and my attitude. I also listen carefully to my words. Finally, I replace rudeness with words that exhibit honour for my husband.
Intentional respect
These alternatives show respect:
Ask questions: Give him a chance to express himself. Example: “What made work so difficult today?”
Keep it simple: Make clear statements about issues. Example: “I’m not sure that’s going to work. Are there any other options?”
Encourage: Choose words that highlight his individuality. Example: “I love that he’s daring enough to wear that.”
Tell the truth: Express concerns and affirm positive changes. Example: “It’s been really hard for us when you’re late; I appreciate your making the effort to get home earlier.”
Janine Petry is an editor and writer who lives in the Fort Wayne, Indiana, area.
© 2010 Janine Petry. All rights reserved. Used with permission. Originally published at focusonthefamily.com.
