Q&A: Keeping the spark alive after the wedding

Q: My fiancé and I can’t wait to begin our new lives together. I’ll confess, though, that I’m afraid this excitement will wane into routine and familiarity – particularly with our sex life. Do you have any advice for how we can keep the spark alive?

A: Congratulations! You may have seen examples suggesting otherwise, but let us encourage you that with work and commitment, marriage – and sex – can remain exciting and fulfilling until “death do you part.” Let us offer you these five areas to focus on:   

  1. Open communication: Make a practice of “checking in” with each other. You will encounter challenging issues in your marriage, and respectfully talking and working through them is an essential contributor toward a healthy sexual relationship.
  2. Frequency of sex: This can vary among couples. It’s more important to be intimate with regularity and work together to keep your sex life a priority.
  3. Understanding life stages: Different seasons of life – such as parenthood, illness, or ageing – can influence marital intimacy. Couples who take a long view of marriage will achieve the perspective they need to weather the tougher times.
  4. Beyond the bedroom: Sex is an important part of marriage, but other aspects of your relationship must also be nurtured to experience a satisfying sex life. “Date” and become a “student” of your spouse. Be respectful, affirming, affectionate, kind, and forgiving toward each other.
  5. Emotional safety: Sexuality and intimacy are all about vulnerability, and you can’t be vulnerable unless you’re convinced it’s safe to do so. Emotional safety means your spouse can trust you with their feelings and failures, and that you are committed to them, even though you may not always agree with or understand them. Above all, guard each other’s secrets – and have none between you.

© 2018 Focus on the Family.  All rights reserved.  Used by permission.

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